


I'm here, Beloved

by SilverSnake15



Category: Original Work
Genre: Celestial Incarna, Creation Myth, F/M, Fictional Religion & Theology, Lucid Dreaming, Mental Anguish, Mental Link, Metaphysical Sex, Metaphysics, Other, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Theology, Unconsciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 03:49:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20284912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverSnake15/pseuds/SilverSnake15
Summary: Is it wrong to think you could be something more, or something less?





	I'm here, Beloved

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Beyond Everything](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11950260) by [SilverSnake15](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverSnake15/pseuds/SilverSnake15). 

imagine,

you have dreams. but one day, you start to notice a man who always appears at the end.

whether you're about to die, defeat or be defeated, disappear into the unknown--

he is there.

you start to study sleep itself

until you learn to almost control your very dreams.

that's the first time you know you get drunk with power, 

ending nightmares before they can begin.

and sometimes when you're about to manipulate a dream, you start to hear a voice that says _no, no you can't save them_.

what?

_you can't save those you love. things end. let them._

no. you won't listen.

you end up with sleeping problems and guilt; the voice is right, you can't even save the people in your dreams.

you're worthless.

you cry yourself to sleep thinking that a lot.

someone beautiful, who can only be a god, appears in your dreams those days. they're TOO perfect. and they truly love you. weird.

they think you're amazing, beautiful, intelligent.

you don't manipulate those dreams.

you confront that OTHER PERSON in your next dream...

and they start to tell you little bits of the truth.

one morning, you wake up, and it all comes full circle.

you don't belong here.

'you' isn't 'you', not really.

you are connected to that other person.

you are a celestial who splintered themselves, gave ultimate power, and awareness, and complete-ness up to explore every universe at once--

as a mortal.

holy shit.

...

…...

is that why you don't remember?

the other tells you he is--_they are _CHAOS. and that scares you. because they demand you return to them.

you start defying them, and running. 

so they start explaining

over multiple dreams

even in daytime, when you listen.

Chaos even takes a human name (David) that he lets you use. he wants to make you like him.

_our union was wonderful. yes, sexual. yes, consensual. we were all we knew. we knew what we both wanted. the ultimate pleasure--_

for how long?

_time didn't exist. forever? I know you can't fathom the absence of time much more than you can manipulate reality outside of your unconscious mind. I understand._

so...why did I leave, if everything was perfect?

_...I...I don't know. there was...inspiration? a need to release energy? you might call it 'labor pains', but we were not three-dimensional...you created time and space with what I gave you...and you LEFT me. you. left. first, we watched everything begin and end. then, you wanted to give them all 'another chance'. so you tricked me, hit restart, and left. twice. how could you be so cruel? so masochistic?_

what?

_you take these forms that erase your understanding of what you are. you go to worlds where lesser creatures fight over disgusting things and murder each other. thus is the way of those places. but you needn't suffer a mortal life. that's what I've been trying to tell you._

_please. return to me. please..._

I can't leave my family behind--

_I AM YOUR FAMILY. I AM WHERE YOU CAME FROM AND I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF. WHY WOULD YOU, _ _why would you...why choose them over me? over us? we could look at the universes together, admire the starts, pleasure each other in peace...you spend years looking for someone, some others to complete you. I'm right HERE. do you know how painful it is to watch you with millions of others, not able to touch you?_

why didn't you come find me sooner?

_I can't. you told me not to tell you the truth, or come find you. and--I don't WANT a mortal form. who would keep things running as I do, routinely collapsing universes?_

you WHAT?

_do you know why humans fear black holes? because they are something that can never be understood without the observer's mortal form facing destruction, and they do not know what truly comes after that. but I will tell you. after I tear apart all that creation, all that substance, it's all packed tight, until you._

me?

(you can hear him smile.)

_the inspiration. the need to release energy. your scientists have somewhat figured it out._

you mean a supernova that leads to a nebula? stars and gas and stuff?

_yes, Beloved._ (he's started calling you that since he told you the 'truth'.) _there is Chaos in Order, and Order in Chaos. like in traffic. the noise is chaotic, yet all move along a path. I am not evil. Evil can be chaotic or evil I suppose, but it is beneath us. as is good. those are simply relative to beings we have no business dealing with. we simply do as our power naturally dictates, nothing more._

oh. that sounds...nice.

you start to save more people.

he gets frustrated.

then he's angry, warping reality so you have telepathy in your dreams, once he arrives.

people are afraid of you, hearing the Other voice you hear, hearing your plans for them.

it starts driving you crazy when you sleep, tired when you're awake.

are you insane?

you wonder if you should end your existence early.

if your deviant tendencies and violent thoughts (intrusive, some call them) are normal; if you're celestial, does it even matter? you're above them, aren't you?

but isn't it bad to be proud?

worse to hate yourself?

who are you, anyway?

and does David exist?

if he's not real, you're insane. faulty. pathetic.

if he's real, you're wasting time. being unfaithful. ignoring what's right in front of you.

it hurts when you realize that he's not demanding you return.

he's begging you.


End file.
